Silence outside, but violence inside!!

Posts : 111 Join date : 2013-07-08

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Silence outside, but violence inside!!

Friends, does the title startle you?

By violence inside, I mean, the state of mind of a person who is mentally tortured or emotionally abused. The difference between physical and mental torture is, in the former, people recognise it, but in the latter it is suppressed very often by the sufferer, more often unknowingly.

Let us take the instance of a woman. Her husband is likely to be very well employed and enjoys a high status at work along with all the paraphernalia that accompany it. Sometimes he is not able leave the "aura" of the working place at home and tortures the wife sadistically, if she is less qualified academically or is not able to match the expectations of her husband socially.

There can be many other reasons also. Very often, in Indian society, a boy's growth is governed by male superiority and his views are more patriarchal. Here, certain social, psycho-social and economical issues are also involved.

If the woman suffers sexual or domestic violence, it gets more publicity. It is sad that many women suffer emotional abuse silently. This is not visible and hence not detectable or identifiable to the others.

A strategy of silence and non-communication is also a form of violence! The victim suffers, but not able to voice it to a third party. This is a common occurrence in quite a few families. It is deeply ingrained in Indian woman that she has to compromise for her marriage to work out. She gets used to shouting and screaming and accepts that it is not torture. But by silence and non-communication, she begins to feel that she is lacking and unworthy. This affects her self-esteem very much. Nobody realises what she undergoes because there is no visible violence.

Her mental torture is a complex, painful and unrecognised form of abuse. This unidentified stress leads to many physical ailments like high blood pressure, thyroid problems and peptic ulcer. Migraine very often is the negative effect of mental stress.
When the investigations reveal normal results, very often they themselves are unable to link the cause of their sickness to mental stress or neglect.

How does a woman deal with it?

She needs to choose her own strategy to get over it. It is important to recognise and define the frustrations caused by the lack of this communication. To a certain extent, economic independence enhances a woman's decision-making capacity.

Many equations starts changing with economic independence.

The most important thing is, she must attach maximum importance to her own individuality or existence. She must learn to build her own space, acknowledge her control over herself and not be bothered forever about her husband's moods and expressions. Things will slowly start improving. She has to start exhibiting the courage to come out of "mental harassment". She has to learn to nurture the lost self-respect and existence. She must share her feelings with trusted people who can help. Emotional independence must overrule the traditional household mask and confrontation is often a must.

She has to realise her own worth, better late than never. Then, there is no looking back for her.